SMS, y'all, SMS

Perhaps you, like me, occasionally find yourself plagued with a dreadful case of what I lovingly refer to as "SMS" -- sh*tty mood syndrome.  Full disclosure...  A piece of me somewhat hesitated as to whether or not I should actually write that word on social media.  Call me a rule-follower, I know.  It's true.  But to alter SMS to CMS (crummy or crappy mood syndrome, if you will) just doesn't seem to do the actual SMS sentiments/symptoms justice.  Also, I would technically be lying and attempting to make myself seem better than I really am, because let's face it...  I don't call it CMS.  I call it SMS because that's precisely what it is -- shitty mood syndrome.

Sometimes SMS is caused by my circumstances.  You know those days.  You're running late, you forgot to make your lunch, you're kind of feelin' like a whale in that outfit, you try to get a million things done and yet you feel like you've accomplished nothing...  You planned to bake a cake for your friend's birthday, but you forgot the sugar at the store.  Head-throbbing.  Heart-racing.  Eyes stuck in an impenetrable stare at the stupid spoon in the stupid bowl because the stupid cake now won't have the stupid ingredient that apparently makes it taste good.  The smoke alarm starts going off.  You can't figure out how to make it stop.  Your phone is ringing.  You have 7 emails you haven't responded to and 21 text messages.  All you want to do is close your eyes and magically wind up in your jammies in bed watching Parenthood or slowly melt into a puddle of tears on the floor because everything that seems like a big, freaking deal actually isn't a big, freaking deal but it feels like such a big, freaking deal that it's making you be such a big, freaking mess.

Other times SMS more so has to do with my heart.  It comes about when I feel as though my rights have been infringed upon, or I'm mad or sad or irritated or resentful or bitter or confused or a combination of them all.  And no matter if the sun is shining and the birds are chirping, nothing seems to shake the displeased, discontent, weary, ungrateful sentiments deep within my bones.  Almost always, however, SMS reveals one of two things.  My eyes have either been fixed on myself or what seems to be the lack within my circumstances.  In my most recent case, I think it has been a combination of the two.

I've felt sad, envious, jealous, and honestly lustful in desiring things I simply don't have.  Instead of giving thanks for what God has graciously given me, I'm often envious because I wish I made more money or had more free time or my body looked perfect in dresses, jeans, shorts, and bathing suits alike.  But recently I've noticed, my sin has been rearing its ugly head in jealousy and lust in regard to desiring a boyfriend, husband, marriage, whatever you want to call it.  Understand when I say there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a boyfriend or to be married one day.  I truly believe it is a holy desire!  And I'm so thankful Jesus gave me that desire to be married to a godly man one day!  But because of my sinful condition, my good desires regularly become tainted with unholiness.  Thus while a part of me does hope to be married one day because of the way I will get to honor, respect, and serve him, I also want to be married because a part of me really believes when I have a boyfriend or get married I will feel more valuable, approved of, and loved -- even though I know I cannot be any more loved than I already am in my relationship with Jesus.

Truth be told, I hate even admitting this.  I wish you could see my eyes right now.  I'm so prideful and don't want to be that girl.  I don't want to admit how self-centered I can be.  And I definitely don't want to admit I struggle with discontentment in my singleness.  I even hate the word singleness -- it makes it sound like some dreadful condition that is the result of being bitten by a wretched fly from the heart of the Sahara desert.  I think I'd rather call it Plenty or Table for Two.  Because let's face it.  For one, I really do have plenty -- more than I deserve.  I just kind of also want something else...    And two, it's not really like I'm alone. Jesus always sits with me at the table, in fact, He technically invited me to sit at the table with Him.  In Christ it's never a table for one, but I'd just prefer a table for 3 -- or maybe 7 one day?!  ;)

So often think that if I really loved Jesus, I'd be totally fine.  I wouldn't care.  I'd spend my days without a single passing thought about that cute guy or that cute guy or that one and whether or not he liked my stupid Instagram photo or invited me to coffee.  (Not gonna lie, this is so honest it makes me cringe juuuust a little bit... haha)

But honestly, I think that's a lie.  I really love Jesus.  Do I want to love Him more?  Absolutely.  Do I forget about Him?  Yes.  Do I regularly choose my sin over Him?  Yes.  But I love Him deeply, and by His grace, He has surrounded and crowned me with His steadfast love that lasts forever.  Just because we walk with Jesus doesn't mean we won't be disappointed or jealous or sad.  One.  We're sinful.  Two.  We live in a fallen world.  Our broken tendency is to survey the world around us, fixate on the one or two things we lack, believe that if God was good, if He really loved us, if He really cared, then He would give us those things.  

We look over, under, up, down, sideways, and all around with grace upon grace upon grace on every side and simply miss each one because we're so consumed by what we don't have and what we think will ultimately satisfy our hearts.

Guess what it leads to every time?  SMS, y'all, lemme tell ya.  Because even if and when we get those things, 
they're never enough.

Jesus reminded me yesterday that this condition of SMS is a reflection of what's happening in my heart.  Sometimes we just have icky moods.  But more often than not, when I really stop to examine what's going on, I'm experiencing the emotions that come from my sinful condition of wanting things not necessarily for the glory of God but for the pleasure and satisfaction it will give me.  This isn't new or unique to me.  It all began in the garden.

God had given Adam and Eve absolutely everything they needed for abundant life.  Every tree, every flower, every animal was theirs to enjoy -- except the one tree.  They had everything.  Everything.  Yet which one did they want?  The one He had withheld from them in His divine wisdom and love.  They assumed that tree, the tree of knowledge of good and evil, the fruit from that tree was better than living in obedience to God's commands.  They assumed partaking in what had been withheld from them would truly be the answer to satisfaction and joy, when all satisfaction and joy had already been given to them.

I think of my own life and how often instead of rejoicing and giving thanks for all the Lord has given me, I find the one thing (at that moment) I feel like He's withheld from me, and I grumble or despair.  But the garden reveals His no toward us may seem painful in the moment but is always gracious and for our ultimate good and His glory.  

I can either spend my days pouting and throwing myself pity parties or I can run to Jesus.  I can spend my days in fits of jealousy and deep drudgery, or I can, by God's grace, turn my eyes toward Jesus.  I can be completely honest before Him about my disappointment and my hope that one day the table will not only be for two but for three.  I can share with Him my insecurities, my irritation, my anger, my shame.  He knows.  He is not disappointed.  He is our Father who always, always, always welcomes us with open arms.  I can walk by the flesh or I can choose to believe, by faith, that the abundant life is possible here on earth.  Yet it isn't found in the perfect circumstances, the most fabulous home, or the most daring adventure.  Abundant life is found in Jesus, and we experience it by faith, giving thanks for who the Lord is and walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.  The choice is mine.  The choice is yours.  We can wallow in our sorrows.  We can despair about all the things we wish were ours.  We can throw up our hands in rage...  And sometimes we should.  We should be transparent and open with the Lord about how we're feeling and what we're thinking.  Life isn't all daisies and everything we see in Southern Living -- though I do thoroughly enjoy them both.  Life is full of suffering, hardship, pain, and sometimes nos we desperately wish were yeses.  But the truth is, God's story never ends with ashes.

Jesus, help us to always, always, always remember that your story never ends with mourning.  Your story never ends with despair.

The truth is that one day, in the blink of an eye, this earth will pass away, and He will establish a new heaven and a new earth, where we will delight in loving and worshipping Him with all that we are.  Our dying bodies will be swallowed up in life.  There will be a day!  There will be a day when all that we see and partake in that is good and glorious will fill our hearts with joy an gladness and delight -- not only in the mountains and cappuccinos and novels and seashores and conversations themselves, but in the Creator of all good things.  There will come a day when all our worship will no longer be divided among the things of this world but will culminate and overflow onto our Lord and King.  We were made to worship, to give glory and praise to God, to enjoy all He has made, with a deep understanding that all the created order -- in its beauty and majesty and goodness and kindness is merely a shadow of the one who made it all.  

Thus for today...  For today I want to rejoice.  For today, I want to give thanks that my name is written in heaven.  For today I want to run outside, take a long bike ride, eat a spinach salad for lunch, and have a picnic as the sun is setting.  For today I want to believe that Jesus' love is better than life.  I want to see Him all around me and delight in His songs as I hear them being sung by the birds or Sons of the East on Spotify.  For today, I want to say no to the cake, the second glass of wine, and the fourth cup of coffee -- not because there is anything inherently sinful or wrong about any of them.   They're good gifts from our good Father in heaven!  But in my own heart, I see that so often in those things, I'm looking for something only Jesus can give.  And ultimately, He is more than enough for me.

I want to plan the road trip to Charleston and say no to the new dress from Anthro because I want to be a good steward of my finances and because life isn't found in the abundance of possessions or instant gratification.  (Though let's be real, I love a new Anthro or J. Crew purchase just as much as the next girl...)  For today, I want to refrain from getting on the scale and finding my value in how much I weigh.  I want to taste and see that the Lord is good.  I want to take my eyes off myself and pray for the eyes of Christ.  I want to slow down long enough to see, pray, share, and be with those around me.  I want to be still in the silence and listen.  I want to breathe deeply, to not take myself so seriously, and to live in a continual state of repentance and faith.  I want the goodness and greatness of my Lord Jesus to be both explicit and implicit in my words and actions.  

But most of all...  I want to come before Him in honesty and humility and confess that my tendency is to sulk and wallow in my shitty moods.  My tendency is to complain and have eyes that are fixated only on myself and what I don't have.  My tendency is to throw myself a pity party and harbor jealousy and bitterness in my heart when I ought to be rejoicing with those around me.  My tendency is to believe that all joy, all hope, all love is or will be found in marriage or the future, better version of myself orrrr as soon as I lose 10 pounds or finally get my life and schedule under control...  The list goes on.  But that's not the truth.  They're lies that lead to bondage and ultimately death.  

I want to rejoice that thanks be to God that Jesus is full of grace and truth, and that His truth sets us free.  The truth is that He came to give LIFE and LIFE abundantly.  All joy, all hope, all love, all victory, all freedom, all peace is found in relationship with Him.  The Lord is acquainted with all of our ways.  And yet knowing every intimate detail of our thoughts, actions, and motivations, He does not deal with us according to what we deserve.  He relates to us on the basis of His unending grace -- because of the perfect life Jesus lived on our behalf.  Jesus took on all our punishment, all our guilt, all our shame and condemnation upon himself, died, and rose again, that we might have a relationship with Him that lasts for eternity.  In relationship with Him, we're never alone.  

The 7 F's

 

I am convinced that once God brought revelation to the power of these 7 topics in my life, I have never been the same.  I believe that these 7 words refer to the main   struggles, obsessions and idols  we face most in our American culture.  These areas can be things we hold onto, find value from, and at times even desire much more than God.  The amazing thing about these 7 F's, however, is that while they can quickly become idols, they also have power to bring God tons of glory and draw us into closer fellowship with our Maker when we use them to worship and enjoy Him.

These are the 7F's along with some of the lies/fears we tend to believe and associate with them:

future decisions and desires

What job will I have?  What if I never "make it to the top"?  What if I don't get this position?  How many children do I want?  What if I can't have children?  What if I never get married?  What if I don't pass the test to actually be accepted for a job?

food

My value is in what I look like.  My value is in how many calories I ate or didn't eat today  I am obsessed with eating/snacking.  I can't say no.  I can't have self-control and stop myself from indulging.  I am only happy when I am eating.  I can't eat or I'll gain weight, be fat, and people won't like me as much.  I can't eat carbs or fat because then I won't be thin enough.  

fitness

If I don't workout, I won't be thin/pretty enough.  I hate what I look like when I am not thin.  Working out makes me happy.  I'm addicted to the feeling I get when I'm exercising.  I have no motivation to exercise.  I feel depressed because I can't get myself to workout.  If I miss a day, I might not look good enough.  I might gain the weight back.  What if one pound turns to 22?

having fun

If I don't go out/party, people will stop thinking I am fun/cool.  I have to be entertained or I will feel depressed.  If I don't have something fun to look forward to, I might feel lonely.  I need to be around people or I won't have purpose.  I have to be busy or I will not have value.  Do they think I'm fun?  Do I think I'm fun?  I only feel secure when I drink.  I am constantly fearful others think I'm weird.

 

friendships

If I don't please people, they will stop hanging out with me as much.  I need peoples' approval.  I am a slave to what others think of me.  I have to seek popularity, otherwise I will be lonely and not have value.  My value is directly related to how others value me.  I can't be alone or I will be sad.  If I open up and am vulnerable, people won't accept me.  If I don't give into temptation, they won't want to hang out with me anymore.  If I don't agree with everything the say, they won't want to be friends with me anymore.  Do they like me?  Will they always like me?

family

What if my beloved family member dies?  I believe I am unlovable because of how I was treated by a family member in the past.  My dad loved my siblings more than me.  I will never measure up to my parents' standards.  I need to be PERFECT for my parents to love/notice me.  I wish I could make them proud, but I'm not enough.  My family would love me more if I was prettier.  I am responsible for my family's decisions.  I have to take care of everyone.  I have no one to protect me, so I must protect myself.  

 

financial security

If I don't have a lot of money, I won't have value.  I need money to succeed in life.  If I don't give my money to others, I will have more money stored up for myself.  I am scared of being poor because it will mean I will have failed in life.  I need more money.  There is no limit, and I won't stop until my name is well known and I am rich.  I love things!  There will always be enough money.  I don't think about how much I spend.  I am constantly checking my bank account.  What if I don't make ends meet this month?  How did I end up spending so much again?  Where does all my money go?

* 

These are most of the fears and lies I have believed under each category.  I have talked to countless people who have struggled with the same thoughts and have fought the same battle.  This battle is a battle that the enemy, Satan, tries to put up against anyone who walks on this earth.  Your battle in each of the "F's" might look a little different; however, know you are not alone.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 

(1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." 

(John 10:10 NIV)

"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need." 

(Hebrews 4:14-16 ESV)

"But what if..." and Fearing the Future

Ya'll admittedly I'm not particularly excited about writing this post because I feel like I'm in the middle of the pit of learning it myself.  Lord Jesus, you know how difficult it has been for me to process through everything in regard to the future lately.  You know my so often jealous, bitter, negative heart.  You know the lies I've been believing.  You've stood beside me as I've found myself in a pool of discontentment.  Yet instead of turning to you, I've turned my own ways.  I've sought comfort in what I look like, my performance, food, relationships, work, and more.  Jesus, thank you that you not only saved me by grace but that you daily sustain me and provide for me according to your grace.  I ask for your wisdom on this topic.  I ask for your divine guidance.  Holy Spirit, I ask that you would write through me, that my words would be yours.  May your words both pierce our hearts, comfort our souls, and cause us to lift our eyes from the pit of our circumstances and onto you -- the one, true Lord of lords and King of kings who loves us unconditionally.  Jesus, help us to receive your love, your mercy, your grace, your truth, your freedom, and your life today.

*

Last year when I was teaching kindergarten, we regularly discussed what I lovingly call the,

"When I grow ups..."

When I grow up, I want to be a good friend.

When I grow up, I want to have 25 kids and 57 pets and live on a farm.

When I grow up, I want to be a Barbie.

When I grow up, I want to make the monies.

When I grow up, I want to be an astronaut.

Massah wanted to be a teacher.  Steven wanted to be an artist.  Kevin wanted to be Batman.  Angie wanted to be a princess.

This is going to be entertaining.  Take a second and think back to when you were FIVE years old -- missin' your two front teeth, playin' outside after school, drinkin' Kool-Aid in the front yard, spinnin' in circles until you fell over, singin' all the time, livin' the life.  Wow.  Sounds fun!

What did 5 year old, little you want out of life?

Perhaps you wanted to be a doctor or a scientist.  Some of us I'm sure wanted to be mommas or veterinarians.  And at times, I'm sure our greatest desire for the future could be found at 7-11 in a Dr. Pepper Icee.

If I'm honest, it's a little hazy to me now exactly what I wanted my future to look like when I was five, but somewhere between 5 and 24, I know I've envisioned myself being an actress, the first woman President of the United States of America, a wife, mommy, an overwhelmingly successful business woman (naturally), a missionary, teacher, lawyer, writer, entrepreneur, fashion designer, professor, gardener, world traveller, the list goes on.  I would venture to say most all of us dreamt big dreams from young ages.  Those were the days when anything was possible.  For many of us, the realities of finances, education, family structures, and more were not on the forefront of our minds.  We were free to go to school, learn, play with our friends, eat our snacks, and get tucked into bed with a hug and a kiss every evening.  We were innocent.

Now of course innocence is not synonymous with faultlessness or sinlessness.  We were all undoubtedly born as sinful beings.  When I say innocence, I mean our untapped awareness of the brokenness, pain, and evil in the world both around us and even in ourselves.

A childhood filled with innocence, however, was not the case for everyone.  Unfortunately, many precious, little ones haven't had a mommy to tuck them into bed or a daddy to kiss their foreheads and tell them they're beautiful.  Whether they've gone to bed hungry or been forced to support their parents on their own, my heart aches for the countless little munchkins who have been forced to grow up far more quickly than they should have.  Yet even for those who didn't experience losing their innocent, carefree, fearless hearts in one of those ways, sooner or later, the loss set in for all of us.

Suddenly our outlooks on life became less rose-colored and much more murky.  We began to believe lies about ourselves, our world, and even God himself.  Instead of viewing the future through a lens of hope, we eventually began filtering the future through a lens marked by the brokenness of our past.

"I was in love with him, but he didn't like me.  There must be something wrong with me.  I think I'm sweet and fun, so maybe he just didn't think I was pretty?  That's it.  I must not be beautiful or desirable."

"I experienced such pain in that situation.  I felt so alone.  I felt like I had to protect myself.  I have to protect myself.  I can never open myself up to that kind of pain again."

"Why did that have to happen?  I don't understand.  Jesus, where were you?  Where are you?  A cloud of dread must dwell over my head.  I can't expect good things, because I don't want to be disappointed.  So I suppose I will just always expect the worst, and hopefully I will occasionally be pleasantly surprised."

It's funny though because on the surface, I don't think we even notice lies such as these tainting our vision of the future.

If someone asked me this afternoon what I hoped my life would look like in 15 years, I would say, "I obviously want to be walking intimately with the Lord.  I hope that my relationship with Him would be characterized by intimacy, vulnerability, grace, love, trust, and joy.  I want to be free from fear, anxiety, and bitterness.  I would love to be married to a man who loves the Lord whole-heartedly.  I hope to be a wife who respects, honors, loves, celebrates, and encourages my husband with joy in my heart.  I hope to be a woman who truly believes that God delights in me and continuously draws me into His love daily.  I'd love to be a mommy and raising our little babes to be fearless, compassionate adventurers who know Jesus, love Him, and want to be like Him.  I hope that we're fostering or adopting children who don't have mommies and daddies to hug them and tell them they're beautiful and valuable.  I'd love to be working in whatever capacity the Lord would have me, writing, and sharing the Gospel with people who are best friends with Jesus and people who've never met Him before.  And hey, I mean if we're being honest, I wouldn't hate living in a beautiful home, running 4 miles a day, lookin' like I'm 29, growing hydrangeas and peonies in our garden, and wearing cute, floral, peplum dresses."

Right?!?!  

Yet when we get just below the surface, all of those hopes and dreams for the future are muddled and mixed and combined with fear and doubts and lies such as:  "God is going to give me the opposite of what I want.  God isn't really going to protect me.  Could He ever really give me good things?  Is God really good?  Will He really be committed to me forever?  Will He really love me no matter what?"

And if we aren't aware of it, sooner or later, though the hopes and dreams we speak of and tell others about may look and sound like the hope depicted above, but we doubt with all seriousness whether or not they could ever come to pass.  Instead, in the back of our minds, we can begin to view our futures in terms of drudgery after drudgery.  

"I hope to get married, but what if it turns out he's a maniac?  He'll probably be deceptive and lazy, and I will end up having to provide for us completely.  We'll live in a shack, and I will never again be able to cut my hair or get a pedicure.  Or honestly, no man may ever ask me on another date.  Yep, this is it.  No more dates ever.  I'll never be married.  I will probably just throw myself into my work and come home sit in this dark house in despair all the days of my life.  Or maybe I will fall in love one day.  Of course, he'll really love Jesus!  But then he'll probably get cancer and die, and I will wind up alone again.  Perhaps we'll have kids, but I'm sure they'll be a wreck.  I'll end up being so stressed all the time that I will inevitably eat away all my feelings and gain 300 pounds.  My legs will stop working.  All the bills will be turned off.  No one will ever visit me, and eventually, I'll probably die of a heart attack or cancer or diabetes."

Saddest face ever.  Yuck!  I hate that my mind can so quickly go there.  It's a desert land that is dark and scary.  When I step back and survey that icky vision of the future, it's clearly full of sorrow and suffering, but it's also completely devoid of my heavenly Father.  I can't help but say to myself, "No wonder it's horrible and terrifying, Cait, in that version of the future, Jesus isn't there."  And even though those things haven't happened and probably never will, they can seem so possible and unbearable at the same time.

But the truth is that no matter what happens in the future, our perfect Father not only will be there, He already is there.  In His goodness and His glory, in His love and sovereignty, He is there.

The truth is that no matter how depressed or anxious I'm feeling on your average Wednesday morning, my feelings have absolutely no affect on who God is.  He is not any less good because I am sad and feel like He's withholding good from me.  God is good.  Lord, help us to believe this.  Help us to sing the truth of your goodness in our hearts, in our minds, and over our lives.  God is good.  

"Taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is he who takes refuge in Him."

"For the Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy!"

"Praise the Lord!  Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever."

Our Father is wholly and completely good.  

Think about your nearest and dearest friends.  Think of your favorite place in the world.  Think of grace.  Think of the sunshine, picnics, new dresses, flowers, camp, bike rides, the ocean, feeling known and loved, sharing the Gospel, pedicures, traveling, dark chocolate, dark beer, carrot cake, music, babies, puppies, coffee, water, airplanes, the Bible, learning, reading, weddings, chalkboards, a job well done... 

In my opinion, these things are GOOD.  They're some of my favorites.  Yet think about the God who created the world.  He made the stars and the skies.  He measured the entire universe with merely the span of His hand.  Every breath, every heartbeat, every function of every organ in our bodies is a gift from His loving hands to us.  Every animal, every tree, every story, every life -- He knows them all because He made them all.  The things of this world are sweet gifts from our Father.  They are wonderful and enjoyable, but they're merely a teeny, tiny reflection of the goodness of our God -- even BETTER is our God.  He is better than our mind could ever begin to comprehend.  And His Word says, "No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him."

This doesn't mean that everything that I want I will receive.  This doesn't mean that God loves me more if I see financial gain at work or experience peace within my family.  This doesn't mean that God will shower nothing but butterflies and rainbows upon me every day for the rest of my life.  The truth is that sometimes the most loving of gifts come in the most difficult packages.

While I'm not entitled to a husband, chances are I'll probably get married one day.  I am convinced I heard once that that 9 out of 10 women end up getting married at some point in their lives.  While I could be in the 10%, admittedly, I like that statistically speaking, the odds are on my side.  I am not entitled to have a family, but there is a huge possibility that by God's grace I will be able to have or adopt some babies one day.  

Though simultaneously it is possible that I will never get married, and if that is the case, God is still good.  It is possible that one day I will receive a tragic phone call that shatters the entire world around me, but if and when that happens, I have to believe that God is still good.  If one day I survey my life and see everything I'd ever wanted, there is a chance that the next morning, a massive storm could destroy it all in an instant.  Yet even still, God will still be good.  He cannot change.  

For years I thought that if God really loved me, my circumstances in life would look differently.  I often prayed, "Lord, how could you allow such suffering and sorrow?"  And even now in moments of deep loneliness and despair, depression and hurt, that question can again well up in my heart.  But in those moments of frustration, anger, doubt, and despair, He takes me back to a garden.

He takes me back to a garden, where just over 2000 years ago, He watched His Son kneel in anguish.  Jesus, who never sinned and lived a completely perfect life, was about to die.  "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me.  Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done."

Though Jesus knew in a few short hours He would be bruised, beaten, tortured, and eventually crucified, He said, "Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done."  How could He do that?  How could Jesus have given up all of His rights as the perfect God of the universe?  How could He have surrendered His glory for such a painful death?  How could He have endured so bravely in such humble submission to God in such dire circumstances, knowing He was about to die?

Jesus believed His Father was good, faithful, completely loving, and absolutely trustworthy.

He knew that all of His suffering would be light and momentary in comparison with the joy that awaited Him when He was again united with His Father in heaven.  He knew that did He not undergo the most brutal suffering of all time, we would never be able to know God personally.  Jesus died on the cross for our sins, so that the punishment for our sin (death) could be completely atoned for by the only true, spotless Lamb.  He took on our sin and suffered the wrath of God on our behalf, so we would not have to.  He died and rose again, conquering sin and death.  He died to set us free.  

Jesus made a way for us to be made right with God because when we place our faith and trust in Christ as our Lord and Savior, God forgives us of all of our sins -- past, present, and future -- and gives us the very righteousness of Jesus.  Thus, by God's grace, every good thing Jesus ever did is now attributed to us.  Because of what Christ has done for us, God adopts us into His family and makes us His children.  He fills us with the Holy Spirit, who imparts God's power to us in all circumstances.  Furthermore and most importantly, because we are made right with God through the death and resurrection of Jesus, we get to know God personally and intimately. 

The most important thing we'll ever get from God is God Himself.  When we get God, we get Him forever and ever.

Jesus was able to trust His father in the midst of His sufferings because He knew and believed in the goodness and faithfulness of God's character.  But not only that, Jesus knew the end of the story.  Death does not get the final word.  Despair will not rule in eternity.  God's kingdom is not one of heaviness but of deep, abundant joy that lasts forever.  The best party you've ever attended, the best meal you've ever eaten, the greatest music you've ever heard, far greater than that is the kingdom of heaven.

While we are not promised or entitled to the future of our dreams, we are promised that God is completely and wholly good.  Not only is He good, but for those of us who have placed our trust in Christ, He works all things together for our good and His glory.  For believers in Christ, He subjugates every trial and forces it to do good unto them.  

"And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good..." -Genesis 50:20

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.  And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man.  He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God himself will be with them as their God.  He will wipe every tear away from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be any mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'  And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'" -Revelation 21:1-4

Thus whatever we receive in life -- no's we desperately want to be yeses, a promotion at work, an incredible husband, the death of a loved one, situations of deep pain and heartache -- we can be sure that God is using those things to sanctify us and make us more like Himself.  Even if we cannot see it, we have a promise that is more sure than the rising of the sun, that He is working all things together for our good and His glory.  And we can be absolutely confident that there will come a day when all the sad things come undone.  We will be perfectly and completely safe with our Father in heaven.  The former things will have passed away, and death will be no more.  There won't be any crying or hurting or pain anymore.  We will be completely glorified, like-Christ, and perfectly united with the One who knows us to the bottom and loves us to the skies.  We will be with Jesus forever.  Every need, every want will be completely satisfied in Him.  

Thus though I have no idea what my future may look like, I know that life isn't going to be drudgery after drudgery because God will be with me.  He will fight for me.  He will protect me.  He will keep me, by His grace, near to Him until I embrace Him with the best hug of my life in heaven one day.  

"God does not want to damn us to our poor, stinking, miserable selves.  He wants to deliver us.  But how can we appreciate the joy of the Father's house unless we've tasted the pig's food?  [...]  And if the Lord gives as my daily bread sorrow and pain, it is to lift me above my selfishness and to rescue me from that pit and to furnish me with what will ultimately be transformed or transfigured into joy.  He gives me beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for my spirit of heaviness.  But He doesn't just drop it into my lap.  I have to give Him the ashes.  I have to give Him my mourning.  I have to surrender my spirit of heaviness, and the exchange takes place.  When I come to the cross, I have to give Him my sins, and what does He give me?  His righteousness.  I give Him my losses, He gives me gain.  I give Him my sorrows, He gives me His joy.  This is the exchanged life -- the crucified life." -Elisabeth Elliott

*

Lord Jesus, help us to receive, by faith, whatever you would have for us in terms of the future.  Help us not to be afraid to make decisions but to walk in faith and trust that you will guide us as you see best fit.  Help us to receive whatever you would have for us with joy in our hearts and with firm conviction that you are good and your sovereign will governs all.  Help us to believe that you love us -- no matter what our circumstances or the lies in our heads try to tell us.  Help us cling to Jesus.  We know we receive Christ by faith alone.  Help us to continue to live by faith.  Help us to persevere and stay the course, knowing that one day the trump shall sound, and Christ shall descend with His armies to take us home forever.  We can't wait to see you, Jesus!  

Future Desires/Decisions

I have found myself climbing an invisible ladder toward what I thought would lead me to success.  We feel this sense that "as long as I make it to the ‘top’ I will be happy, successful and satisfied…finally! But goodness, I have realized over and over, mainly when I fall off of this ‘invisible ladder of success’,  that the top has NOTHING worth working towards.  

I struggle, strive, strain to do better, be better, live better and be the best at whatever I am doing. Why Lord, do I struggle toward perfection? 

I have finally realized how vain my work is apart from doing it to connect with God and His people.  Every time it's about me and my personal success I feel depressed, anxious, lonely, fearful and like God is a million miles away. He never is but when I am living for ME I see how JOYLESS life becomes. 

JOY defined

1. Jesus - first

2. Others -second

3. You - last

I so often twist and turn it into:

a self-centered life

Y.O.J. (you, others, Jesus),

a people pleasing life

O.Y.J. (others, you, Jesus),
or

a life focused on impressions and wanting to look good in front of others

O.J.Y. (others, Jesus, you).

Real JOY is always found in putting Jesus on the throne of our lives.  When He is first, everything else comes into it's place and we don’t feel like we have to perfect or control and manipulate situations in order for them to work out for our favor.  

This Truth below has brought so much freedom in both Caitlyn’s and my life over the past few years.  I praise God for practical tools to come back to Truth and this is something I have to come back to each month to remind myself of the Truth that He wants me to be an abiding woman…not a super woman. 

WE NO LONGER HAVE TO BE PERFECT WHEN WE ARE PARTNERED WITH PERFECTION, AND PERFECTLY LOVED BY OUR CREATOR.

So, we encourage you who are reading this…

Stop climbing the ladder!
Rest, relax, go on a walk.
Enjoy the Lord!
Don't fear missing out.
Don't seek success.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.(1 Corinthians 15:58)

In CHRIST You Are...

I am faithful (Ephesians 1:1)

I am God’s child (John 1:12)

I have been justified (Romans 5:1)

I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15)

I belong to God (1 Corinthians 6:20)

I am a member of Christ’s Body (1 Corinthians 12:27)

I am assured all things work together for good (Romans 8:28)

I have been established, anointed and sealed by God (2 Corinthians 1:21-22)

I am confident that God will perfect the work He has begun in me (Philippians 1:6)

I am a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20)

I am hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3)

I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7)

I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18)

I am blessed in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3)

I am chosen before the creation of the world (Ephesians 1:4, 11)

I am holy and blameless (Ephesians 1:4)

I am adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:5)

I am given God’s glorious grace lavishly and without restriction (Ephesians 1:5,8)

I am in Him (Ephesians 1:7; 1 Corinthians 1:30)

I have redemption (Ephesians 1:8)

I am forgiven (Ephesians 1:8; Colossians 1:14)

I have purpose (Ephesians 1:9 & 3:11)

I have hope (Ephesians 1:12)

I am included (Ephesians 1:13)

I am sealed with the promised Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13)

I am a saint (Ephesians 1:18)

I am salt and light of the earth (Matthew 5:13-14)

I have been chosen and God desires me to bear fruit (John 15:1,5)

I am a personal witness of Jesus Christ (Acts 1:8)

I am God’s coworker (2 Corinthians 6:1)

I am a minister of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:17-20)

I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5)

I am raised up with Christ (Ephesians 2:6; Colossians 2:12)

I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 2:6)

I have been shown the incomparable riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 2:7)

God has expressed His kindness to me (Ephesians 2:7)

I am God’s workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)

I have been brought near to God through Christ’s blood (Ephesians 2:13)

I have peace (Ephesians 2:14)

I have access to the Father (Ephesians 2:18)

I am a member of God’s household (Ephesians 2:19)

I am secure (Ephesians 2:20)

I am a holy temple (Ephesians 2:21; 1 Corinthians 6:19)

I am a dwelling for the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 2:22)

I share in the promise of Christ Jesus (Ephesians 3:6)

God’s power works through me (Ephesians 3:7)

I can approach God with freedom and confidence (Ephesians 3:12)

I know there is a purpose for my sufferings (Ephesians 3:13)

I can grasp how wide, long, high and deep Christ’s love is (Ephesians 3:18)

I am completed by God (Ephesians 3:19)

I can bring glory to God (Ephesians 3:21)

I have been called (Ephesians 4:1; 2 Timothy 1:9)

I can be humble, gentle, patient and lovingly tolerant of others (Ephesians 4:2)

I can mature spiritually (Ephesians 4:15)

I can be certain of God’s truths and the lifestyle which He has called me to (Ephesians 4:17)

I can have a new attitude and a new lifestyle (Ephesians 4:21-32)

I can be kind and compassionate to others (Ephesians 4:32)

I can forgive others (Ephesians 4:32)

I am a light to others, and can exhibit goodness, righteousness and truth (Ephesians 5:8-9)

I can understand what God’s will is (Ephesians 5:17)

I can give thanks for everything (Ephesians 5:20)

I don’t have to always have my own agenda (Ephesians 5:21)

I can honor God through marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33)

I can parent my children with composure (Ephesians 6:4)

I can be strong (Ephesians 6:10)

I have God’s power (Ephesians 6:10)

I can stand firm in the day of evil (Ephesians 6:13)

I am dead to sin (Romans 1:12)

I am not alone (Hebrews 13:5)

I am growing (Colossians 2:7)

I am His disciple (John 13:15)

I am prayed for by Jesus Christ (John 17:20-23)

I am united with other believers (John 17:20-23)

I am not in want (Philippians 4:19)

I possess the mind of Christ (I Corinthians 2:16)

I am promised eternal life (John 6:47)

I am promised a full life (John 10:10)

I am victorious (I John 5:4)

My heart and mind is protected with God’s peace (Philippians 4:7)

I am chosen and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12)

I am blameless (I Corinthians 1:8)

I am set free (Romans 8:2; John 8:32)

I am crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20)

I am a light in the world (Matthew 5:14)

I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)

I am the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21)

I am safe (I John 5:18)

I am part of God’s kingdom (Revelation 1:6)

I am healed from sin (I Peter 2:24)

I am no longer condemned (Romans 8:1, 2)

I am not helpless (Philippians 4:13)

I am overcoming (I John 4:4)

I am persevering (Philippians 3:14)

I am protected (John 10:28)

I am born again (I Peter 1:23)

I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I am delivered (Colossians 1:13)

I am redeemed from the curse of the Law (Galatians 3:13)

I am qualified to share in His inheritance (Colossians 1:12)

I am victorious (1 Corinthians 15:57)